Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

[Ömür Tokman]

I also went to one once. I was with my son and daughter-in-law. I would not return without similar guides. If I went alone I would either never find what I wanted or become lost and wander around for days.

Frankly, my wife found the exit,
I was so angry at that time that I was looking for someone to punch.
At one point, I thought about calling the police hotline and asking for help.

This is exactly how I was when I walked out of ikea's door. (""" """)

[MJuric]

I went to ikea once and decided not to go again. I was nervous. You cannot leave without visiting the entire maza for a shopping that will take 5 minutes in total. It was a nerve wracking experience for me.

Yep, that's on purpose. The stores are designed to force the customer to traverse as much of the store as possible with the idea that the more you walk the more you look at the more you'll buy. They also dribble the same product throughout the entire floor/store. So instead of having all the glasses in one place, they have some here, some there, some over there...again to make you look at everything.

Personally I found it so wasteful and inefficient that I have no intentions of ever stepping into another one of their stores again. When I'm in a store I'm hunting, not on a Sunday Stroll for the fun of it.

[SamSpade]

Yep, that's on purpose. The stores are designed to force the customer to traverse as much of the store as possible with the idea that the more you walk the more you look at the more you'll buy. They also dribble the same product throughout the entire floor/store. So instead of having all the glasses in one place, they have some here, some there, some over there...again to make you look at everything.

Personally I found it so wasteful and inefficient that I have no intentions of ever stepping into another one of their stores again. When I'm in a store I'm hunting, not on a Sunday Stroll for the fun of it.

No need to pay the entrance fee at a carnival funhouse, when you can go to your local Ikea store for the same dizzying effect. The couple of times my wife had dragged me there, I had always left with a nauseating feeling.

[mattpeneguy]

[mattpeneguy]

[KaMei]

[DennisD]

BreadManShopping.jpg

Oh, THAT guy! He's just a big loafer.

[DennisD]

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[SamSpade]

Oh, THAT guy! He's just a big loafer.

That guy kneads to be the toast of the town, you know things are going to go a rye when he's around.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

[mattpeneguy]

For scale, are those US or Metric washing machines?

[mattpeneguy]

Pull the toast out, or give it a few more minutes?

[DennisD]

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For scale, are those US or Metric washing machines?

They originally stated the hole was the size of a Smart car, but reconsidered. First they realized the hole was bigger than that. Second was that Missourians and Kansans didn't really know what a Smart car was, and those that did thought they were Stupid.

[mattpeneguy]

They originally stated the hole was the size of a Smart car, but reconsidered. First they realized the hole was bigger than that. Second was that Missourians and Kansans didn't really know what a Smart car was, and those that did thought they were Stupid.

Why not provided the measurement in terms that the MO people would understand, like wheelbarrows of snow or something?

[jcapriotti]

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Pull the toast out, or give it a few more minutes?

Hey, a s'more maker.

[DennisD]

Why not provided the measurement in terms that the MO people would understand, like wheelbarrows of snow or something?

"The hole was half the size of an F-350." Nailed it!!

[DanPihlaja]

No need to pay the entrance fee at a carnival funhouse, when you can go to your local Ikea store for the same dizzying effect. The couple of times my wife had dragged me there, I had always left with a nauseating feeling.

Local. HA! I have never stepped foot in one....

[mike miller]

This is a joke, right? https://blog.zoom.us/zoom-pronoun-sharing/

[DennisD]

This is a joke, right? https://blog.zoom.us/zoom-pronoun-sharing/

Is "nope" a pronoun?

[mattpeneguy]

This is a joke, right? https://blog.zoom.us/zoom-pronoun-sharing/

I see an opportunity here...I'm going to edit my Zoom profile to use first person pronouns referring to me (I, me, mine, myself)...Should help with my work load too because it will be impossible for anyone to assign anything to me because they will always have to refer to themselves when referencing the assignment. "Matt is good with similar projects, so Project X will be assigned to me."

[mike miller]

I see an opportunity here...I'm going to edit my Zoom profile to use first person pronouns referring to me (I, me, mine, myself)...Should help with my work load too because it will be impossible for anyone to assign anything to me because they will always have to refer to themselves when referencing the assignment. "Matt is good with similar projects, so Project X will be assigned to me."

Nothing is off-limits because they are forced to be "inclusive". So if I identify as a fully-vaccinated Nazi armadillo............

[DennisD]

I see an opportunity here...I'm going to edit my Zoom profile to use first person pronouns referring to me (I, me, mine, myself)...Should help with my work load too because it will be impossible for anyone to assign anything to me because they will always have to refer to themselves when referencing the assignment. "Matt is good with similar projects, so Project X will be assigned to me."

Be sure to add "BRILLIANT" to your list of pronouns because that is what your plan is!

[DennisD]

And another one is kicked off the olympic team. . .

[mattpeneguy]

It's amazing the difference a filter can make...

[mattpeneguy]

PANIC!

[DennisD]

PANIC!

Alarmist-1: "That's global warming for you."

Normal person: "But that's the Sun. It's not even the Earth."

Alarmist-2: "That's even worse!"

Normal person: "The surface of the Sun is always on fire. Actually, it is covered with an ongoing nuclear conflagration."

Alarmist-1: "OH MY GOD!"

Normal person: "You don't even believe in God."

Alarmist-2: "That's global warming for you, even God got burned up!"

Normal person walking away saying to himself: "Why do I bother? You can't talk to these people."

[KaMei]

[DennisD]

[mattpeneguy]

[DennisD]

[mattpeneguy]

[MJuric]

image.png

That one isn't a joke....it's true.

I don't know how many European companies you work with but at certain times of the year it's nigh on impossible to get something from them. It seems like the entire company goes on holiday at the same time for quite some time.

Sadly, or not, depending on your point of view, yes, we have a MUCH different perspective of this in the US. It's almost "Sinful" to actually go on vacation. Most people are expected to be "Reachable" all the time, Sat, Sun and vacation.

This gets even worse when you're doing long term projects for customers. I've had MANY customers that would want updates, status etc etc any time they want...which is often times not during working hours.

[DennisD]

That one isn't a joke....it's true.

I don't know how many European companies you work with but at certain times of the year it's nigh on impossible to get something from them. It seems like the entire company goes on holiday at the same time for quite some time.

Sadly, or not, depending on your point of view, yes, we have a MUCH different perspective of this in the US. It's almost "Sinful" to actually go on vacation. Most people are expected to be "Reachable" all the time, Sat, Sun and vacation.

This gets even worse when you're doing long term projects for customers. I've had MANY customers that would want updates, status etc etc any time they want...which is often times not during working hours.

Hmmmm. DSS is a French company. That explains the rapid response to "fix" their new forum.

[MJuric]

Hmmmm. DSS is a French company. That explains the rapid response to "fix" their new forum.

I've had many times where I need a part for something and normally it would take 3-4 weeks and it turned into 8-12..."That's when we go on holiday"

Similar situation in China with the New Year.

[DennisD]

I've had many times where I need a part for something and normally it would take 3-4 weeks and it turned into 8-12..."That's when we go on holiday"

Similar situation in China with the New Year.

True, but the Chinese New Year is only one week. It has never been too big of an inconvenience, at least for me, and I work directly with that area of the world. Some of the excuses I hear for European delays seem much too comfortable blaming the vacation thing. When I hear such excuses I think "The smeller's the feller."

[MJuric]

True, but the Chinese New Year is only one week. It has never been too big of an inconvenience, at least for me, and I work directly with that area of the world. Some of the excuses I hear for European delays seem much too comfortable blaming the vacation thing. When I hear such excuses I think "The smeller's the feller."

And the Chinese new year is followed by a "Work on Saturday"... Holiday

Anytime "The entire place shuts down", at some point it's going to bite you in the rear.

[mattpeneguy]

Hmmmm. DSS is a French company. That explains the rapid response to "fix" their new forum.

C'mon Dennis, it's summer right now...

[DennisD]

[KaMei]

That one isn't a joke....it's true.

I don't know how many European companies you work with but at certain times of the year it's nigh on impossible to get something from them. It seems like the entire company goes on holiday at the same time for quite some time.

Sadly, or not, depending on your point of view, yes, we have a MUCH different perspective of this in the US. It's almost "Sinful" to actually go on vacation. Most people are expected to be "Reachable" all the time, Sat, Sun and vacation.

This gets even worse when you're doing long term projects for customers. I've had MANY customers that would want updates, status etc etc any time they want...which is often times not during working hours.

Yes, many companies around here do have so-called company holidays, mostly three weeks sometimes during the school holidays of the according state (Germany), in France or Italy it could happen, that the company is closed for a whole month, mostly July and/or August. It is a PITA for those without children or whose children are not in school anymore because you have to go on vacation during that time, whether you like it or not.
As about being available even during holiday, that is not an American thing, it just depends on the person being on holiday. I know some Europeans who are available 24/7 the whole year.

[KaMei]

[DennisD]

[mattpeneguy]

'Cause that's the first thing ya do when ya dig something up...ya taste it?

[mattpeneguy]

[DennisD]

[mattpeneguy]

[mattpeneguy]

[mike miller]

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It's called hard rock.

[matt]

It's called hard rock.

I wasn't aware that Journey made an industrial 12 inch called Masonry. But then it was the '80s, and it's hard to say what I was doing at any given time...

[DennisD]

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C'mon, man! This just requires a diamond tip stylus.

And to @matt's comment about the band Journey. I give them credit for getting me up out of my chair. I can't react fast enough to switch to ANY other band. They shoulda' been gone!

[KaMei]

[mattpeneguy]